thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
