After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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