your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
