Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
