I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
