you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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