yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Also, beer. Big fan.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You are a genius and a whore.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
