you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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