The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
