we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
