tell your sister to shave her snatch
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize