Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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