why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
