After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Alive.
So much puke
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I need to calm my uterus...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
