Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
