Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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