dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I can text with my tongue
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
