Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
