About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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