My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
