hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
