we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize