i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
