So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
