Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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