A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize