What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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