She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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