I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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