Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
