I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
