He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
