So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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