if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
