Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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