Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize