Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
