Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We left the knife in your bed.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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