I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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