we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
