You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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