so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
