I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
