So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
This toilet bowl is my home.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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