This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
