I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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