So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
