I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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