I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
