i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
