Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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