Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
