he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
