as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
