Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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