She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
