just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
