Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize
