census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
