Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
