If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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