I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
