You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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