so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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